This blog was archived from November 9, 2015.
You've heard of people not wanting to belong to anyone. I understand that. There's a freedom in such a saying. A freedom and a loneliness. I have no problem "belonging" to someone who doesn't look at me as a possession. Belonging to someone can be completely out of love, it can come from the best place and leaves you with the best feeling. I'm of the same notion in that I don't have to belong to any place.
My father was called to ministry in the 80's. He's always been someone who does what he loves, so it was no surprise when he wanted to uproot his entire family to another country. Once moving to Pasadena we didn't stop moving throughout middle school and then when high school was over, there was a move again. Once I moved out of my parents place, living on my own I moved 3 times in 3 years. It was due to job transfers and wanting new and different things. Then I began dating Jeff. I've been with Jeff for over eight years. In this time frame, we've moved five times together. You read that right: five. It's unusual for some. I've been deemed "a gypsy" by many friends, I get it. I get it guys! ;)
I love that I have found someone who is just like me when it comes to not being attached to structures, places.. walls. Let's face it. We all know of people (or this could be you) who get so damn attached to a place due to a memory or a passing of a loved one or ..well all the sentimental reasoning behind a place. Jeff's father was in the military and his mother left when he was very young. As a child, my husband had to move from one place to the next, constantly, while his father seemed to go from one wife to the next, constantly. The only thing consistent in our lives was the inconsistency - so when Jeff was old enough, he packed up his car and drove across the country from North Carolina to California. His father even told him, "might as well do this while you're young!" I don't think he knew that his boy would never be moving back to North Carolina. Jeff settled in San Diego for a while. Then I entered in to his life and it was change after change, but we were together. We agreed to become the consistency in each others' lives, while the world around us continued spinning.
I can understand and sympathize with how people can get so stuck on a home/place because of whatever memory spanning from:
where you were raised
the place where ___ took their first steps, the place where you took ___ home from the hospital
where a loved one died
There are those who move from places for reasons like: death, divorce, or too many "bad memories."
While I understand having those aches and loves for a place due to a memory or a person, I am so grateful that because of our upbringing, I don't have the attachment. I can look back at a place and smile as I think about the memory, but that's the beauty of a memory.. it's created regardless of the space you're in. A beautiful memory and moment can happen anywhere, as with a horrible memory or moment. You actually get no say in where they're created. You have no choice, you did nothing and it will happen either way. As corny as it sounds, as long as Jeff and I are together with the kids, we are home. This is also why when I am living somewhere, I live ready to go at a moments notice. This last move we had was actually the first place where we did a decent amount of decorating, but with every hole I put in to the wall I cringe a little thinking, "I'm gonna have to seal up this shit when we leave." See that? It's when we leave, not if. I am my father's daughter. I am called to live where it is important to live, not where it is comfortable to live. Actually, my siblings and I have this in common.. wow, the one thing we have in common! We are more than accepting of change as a part of life, and we adapt to new surroundings easily. Many of my friends don't understand this, some do and wouldn't want it for themselves. Some shake their heads in disbelief. That is okay. Your life is yours. Your comforts are yours. This is only insight in to why I am the way I am, why my husband and I are so open to new. I've heard it often, "Talia, don't you wanna settle down? Don't you want a place of your own? A place to call your own?" The answer is yes and no. I won't lie and say that I don't think about what life would be like if Jeff and I just stopped. Settled somewhere and stayed.
Then I think about it for more than 5 minutes and I start getting antsy like I would want to leave. I'm this way with cars too. I've never had a car for more than 3 years. Too many miles=too many problems. I view it as a THING. I can look back and think about a favorite car and smile because yeah, fun memories.. but to keep it because of a memory? -_- Please, are you joking? Which reminds me.. I'm coming up on 3 years with that VW Routtan, time to start hunting.
Life couldn't be this way for me if my partner in life felt the opposite. I will admit, having Jeff be so open and having the same views helps, but I don't think we would have lasted long in the dating process if he was of that other mindset. It just worked. Marriage is that commitment, so you better know who you're marrying before you seal the deal. If you're of this gypsy-mentality, don't go marrying someone who can't leave an area because their favorite uncle died there. Unless you're willing to change your will and mindset, don't you dare make that age-old mistake where you think they will change for you. You will be sorely depressed.
I feel bad for those who cannot find it in them to explore and envision themselves in a different place because of a sentiment. Really.. how can you allow that to hold you back and not live? Think of it this way, would you want your future offspring to have that same mentality? If you died in your home, would you want your child to feel that burden of having to stay there because they are so stuck on the fact that you passed away in the room upstairs? I would want to haunt the place just to slap my kid and tell them WAKE UP! LIVE YOUR LIFE! I'M DEAD, NOT YOU! Seriously Amelia and Sebastian if you are reading this, don't you ever, EVER stay in a space because you think my dead self will be disturbed if you leave. You do what is best for you and your families, and I will watch with such pride. Same goes with furniture kiddos. Please, by all means, sell what you need to, keep what you need to. If it was mom's beloved writing desk and your new home calls for you to have a smaller desk, get rid of it. Don't go storing it either and paying for storage on the in case that you might use it, unless you have the means and it's not a burden on you or your spouses. I love you both so much that I cannot allow you to do that to yourselves. Life is not about paying for the roof over your head and not enjoying. If opportunity knocks, know how to recognize that and roll with it!