A Few More Wrinkles But A Thousand More Memories - Things You Learn After Years Together
This blog was archived from May 19, 2017.
A few more wrinkles but a thousand more memories. We've been "putting up with one another" for over 10 years babe!
How is it even possible to be more in love with you than when we were first dating? Marriage is a “learn on the job” proposition. None of us comes into it with all the skills we need for success. When the going gets rough it’s most often a sign that we need some new skills — not a sign that we need a new spouse*. I've learned more about compassion than ever before, that most frustrations are not with each other, but with ourselves. I am no expert, but here are some just some of the things I've learned over the years:
Even the most stubborn among us can learn how to yield, speaking from experience. ;)
Collaboration is a lot more rewarding than battling. Marriage is a long negotiation about how two people are going to run things such as financial, parenting, household chores, intimacy...
None of us can grow a strong and healthy relationship without having to face and resolve difficult issues. Struggle in marriage is not only inevitable, it’s necessary.
Being kind and saying "thank you" often still matters.
Hotheads are terrible problem solvers. Thank you for allowing me some nights to go to bed angry, I cannot think or see straight when I'm upset. I know the most over-used piece of advice is: never go to bed angry -- but some times, going to be angry prevents escalating the argument, or saying something you can never take back, some of us need to take moments to breathe and collect our thoughts. Putting your argument on hold and trying to get rid of negative emotions before bed is actually better for conflict resolution and your overall bond with one another. It's possible that you'll wake up the next day with a better understanding of the situation at hand, and a clearer picture of how to solve your own problems.
We are so much more stronger together, especially after having kids. Until you have children you have no idea what you are capable of. Things like: how many days without sleep you can survive on, the real meaning of patience, indescribable joy, boundless hope for the future, constant paranoia, your own past being brought up over and over, comparison you never dared (you vs your parents) worry beyond measure, and self-sacrifice to the _nth degree.
There’s a big difference between being happily married and living happily ever after. None of us are happy 24/7. And I am thankful that we are not required to be!
Supporting one another is more important than actually succeeding. To be told with 100% certainty that you are believed in, does wonders for the soul.
Old Dogs can learn new tricks. If it's for the greater good for the marriage, we have both made sacrifices along the way. We've learned to be selfless, if it means the other persons happiness.
When we seek advice, it is from those who are only* rooting for our marriage to succeed. Discouragement is one of the greatest threats to marriage. Too many struggling couples give up on marriages that could quite likely be saved had they been given the proper guidance and encouragement to hang in there and fix things. **Granted, there are things that cannot be fixed, every situation is different, but if the problem can* be fixed with proper counseling and time, why not give it a chance?
Your relationship is a constant work in progress. You should always be working on it, along with taking the time for yourself. We are never finished. It’s not like you get married and suddenly you’re off the hook for becoming a better person - keep going!
CHURCH HELPS. Being accountable to a higher being helps. It's not about guilt. It's about taking that stress and weight and giving it to God. I cannot elaborate much more except I can tell you this: Jesus cannot be explained, He has to be experienced.
**There is no special occasion for this post. No anniversary, ziltch. I just know these two photos were taken ten years apart, and I had some moments of reflection this morning/afternoon that I wanted to share. ♥ Hope you all have an amazing weekend!